STORY IDEAS FOR MY STORY SO FAR?

Hi. I just came here for some advice. I'm making a game, but I'm making it up as I go. And for that case, I closed my game. If i can find the ultimate purpose for my game,maybe I can submit it.


However, I have some gameplay of it. Anyway, I'm going to go ahead spoil it. It might be cliche, but I'm trying to get it out of that zone.

Basically, its starts with a man, Howzer. He is about to offer (propose)Thara a clay ring, but she is grumpy so he decides to not give it to her, but then he accidently drops it. She becomes even more frustrated and she begins hitting him.

It was Howzers idea for the clay ring. She hated it so much because he promised her wealth by now. But, the path he took to get the wealth is risky. He has been training under a master and working of Jeds farm, all so he could participate in a arena fight before his king. What his girlfriend did not know was that he could die doing this if he does not win.

Working on Jeds farm he has been working for him (5 years) for a promise of battle equipment and free food.

With this risk of death and his arena match coming up, he wants to propose, but he needs a gift. He does not want to die without being married. He also wants to provide for her if she passes away.

Jed, out of the blue, mentions a guy named Dark Rat you can find in a hole near the castle. I'll just speed things up.

You kill a rat with a chefs clothes, meet Dakkarath(whom is a mage in the castle and does not live in a hole). Put on the chefs clothes, he dresses as a soldier, you then dismiss the cook, put sleeping spices in the drinks. And serve them to the King and his guests. The purpose was to steal valuables in that room.

However, they all died because someone replaced the sleeping poweder with poison(as expected right?). Howzer filled with guilt, and believing he was betrayed is overcome with guilt and the feeling that he is solely responsible. Dakkarath tells him to come with him, but he does not. Dakkarath is forced to flee himself.

After using a escape passage, he meets Howzers trainer, an old man(They were going to have a mage battle but he was to busy gazing at a flower that has just grown in the cave). But, he does not know this. He ends up telling Dakkarath where the rice farm. Searching in the dark, he find Dakkarath, working on the rice farm. He tells him what happened, and suspiciously does not ask about Howzer until he mentions it.

Also, in the letter he received, it said Howzers purpose for the heist was for money. When he met him, he said it was for love. Dakkarath, fearing whomever he loves might be in danger. Howzer, pretends he has never heard about his wild fantasies.

Dakkarath is very suspicious, and takes the bed he offered. He then has a flashback of him bragging about how much better his secret passages are.
Anyway, you get to the bottom and find the kings orb, which is one of the items he and howzer were going to find. Then Howzer catches they fight, Dakkarath lets Howzer live.

Now, it would be nice for some ideas from there :P.

Some things to mention, flowers coming out of no where. The kingdom is named Gale after the godess Garuda. There is a church that celebrates(in the same Kingdom) the god above all gods. And I don't know what this Kings orb does.(But he valued Garuda higher then the churches god.

Also, his girlfriend is going to ultimately die in the arena as Howzer watches.

The King also only has a baby in the mothers womb still. So someone needs to claim the throne.

author=unity
What's the overall feeling you're going for with this story? Is it a tragedy? How does the death of his girlfriend affect the rest of the story?

Yeah, tragedy, and revenge, but roots into a much bigger mess. Right now I am just making the first visit to the council, where there will be 13 punishments, one for each person that was killed. So I need some horrible things to happen to him before he will be saved or escape. He will probably end up missing his arm.

I'm actually thinking about making Dakkarath the hero, and the main character, and Howzer loses himself and becomes a horrible person.


Edit: I have game description now and a general direction after discovering the villain. Thanks Unity, that simple question helped me think.

Also, it is a story about divided religions. So the kingdoms have trouble collaborating.

author=pianotm
Hmm...It's a bit convoluted the way you have it. Listen. This story isn't baked. Trust me, I know. All of your characters are shapeshifters right now. Your villians are turning into heroes and your heroes are turning into villians. You're going to dream up new characters. You're going to delete some of the old characters. You're going delete some of the new characters and reinsert some of the old characters. You're going to rewrite some of the new characters so they have the traits and roles of the old characters.

I've been there. I know a story that hasn't been put in the oven when I see it. Nothing any of us say can help you right now. This plant is just a sapling. It's not even ready to produce fruit. Give it a chance to grow and develop. That's what it needs right now. It's not ready for an outside opinion.

OK. Thanks. Your right. I should just sit on things for a little. A artists block is normal. I'm making the game up as I put it into RPG Maker.
And trying to find out why all this stuff is happening.

And it is likely I will change characters and add more background. Even though I didn't prepare before hand, its the most serious game I've worked on. Not saying it will be good, I've never written a novel, or read any books, but I've played a quite a few RPGS.

Thanks for your opinion.

I am here to let you guys know that I did indeed take yalls advice. I am working on the story to be less confusing.

I changed it so Jed convinces Howzer to go as a replacement for the heist, asking for 20%. Jed gives him a story to tell his girlfriend, that the guys are going on a camping trip for some guy time, especially since she just went bitchmode over a clay ring. Edit:She is also upset hes might die that's why she's pissed when he proposed to her before his arena match. He also hints that when he's done camping he might delay the arena challenge because he thought he would end up with money.

Jed then tells Howzer to invite his girlfriend to stay with his wife and adult son so she's not unprotected.(He doesne't live by himself anymore). He also made a promise to take care of Howzers girlfriend if he ever died.

Jed has to leave the house to play along with story. So Jed brings him to the passage to Dakkaraths room and then goes to the town square to shop. He says hes getting camping supplies and they are going to go camping when its over.

Jed then sneaks out of town and heads to a remote location to meet Howzers girlfriend, they flirt and have fun cheating.

Jed has arranged that they get busted by pulling ties within in the castle.

When Howzer accidentally kills thirteen people, he decides to face his punishment as he could not live with himself if he did not take responsibility so he foolishely decides to stay while Dakkarath escapes realizing his ass was grass.

Dakkrath then escapes and takes comfort at Jeds house for the night. He warns Thara should flee with him in the morning. At morning time Dakkarath is awoken by the sound of soldiers at the door. He quickly escapes through a window pushing aside the soldiers guarding near the windows.

Jed helped the person he pulled ties with become the King.

Howzer awaits his punishment for days while the council decides his fate. Until then he was tortured to give up the location of Dakkarath. The council then discovers in the Jeds letter to Dakkarath that Howzer has a girl whom he loves.

In Jeds mind the king was backing him up and would never hurt her. However, the cruelty of the council demanded she be killed before him, and the new King decided that it was fair, worried it would cause conflicts based on his promises before he was voted the new King.

Spys were sent out, and captured her on the way to the remote location. Dakkarath, Howzer, and ultimately Jeds plan had all failed.

And then this happens. Its just 13 punishments.